As every character on Virgin River will remind you, Virgin River is a small town, okay? And everyone knows everyone’s business, okay? No secret is safe, okay? As someone who loves to hear the hottest gossip both real and fictional, that is, in fact, very okay with me. The more people’s secrets and dirty deeds and private lives come to light, the better (for us, not them). This is a soap opera, and we should be adequately provoked into gasping at the scandal of it all.
While season five (part one) provides a healthy supply of some of the hottest gossip thus far in the series, the gossip of Virgin River does ebb and flow a bit throughout the season. So which episodes had us gasping the most? Which episodes were a little lukewarm on the hot goss? And finally, why does Virgin River want us to talk about glamping so much? I can’t answer that last thing, but the other stuff I can definitely assist with. Let’s gossip.
Episode 1, “A Second Chance”
Hey, did you hear? Babe, we are REELING from the fallout after the events of last season’s finale: Jack is not the father of Charmaine’s twins, and she has been lying to him and everyone else for months. Jack is handling it by chopping wood and pretending not to be angry. We appreciate one tactic, but worry about the other. Meanwhile, there’s an attempted coup going on in town council led by Jo Ellen’s husband, Nick, who wants to replace Hope as mayor, and Very Nice Mechanic Bert gets accidentally exposed to fentanyl thanks to Nick’s sister Melissa Montgomery’s drug-running/lumberyard scheme. Melissa, by the way, has now set her drug-kingpin sights on Jack’s nascent glamping business as a way to launder money, and Jack has no idea! Oh, and one of Melissa’s goons throws a rock through Brie’s front door to send a message to Brady to fall in line, and Lilly’s daughter Ava is back in town and collapses in front of Mel at Jack’s bar. It’s quite an exhausting return to the supposedly peaceful town of Virgin River.
Okay, but what’s the hottest goss right now? As Mike hauls Vince — twin brother of Paige’s abusive ex Wes and Jack’s shooter — off to prison, he blurts out that Paige and Preacher killed Wes, and Mike is just like, Eh, Wes and Vince sucked, so as long as there’s no body, no one cares. Can you even believe?? This means Paige and Preacher can finally be together, but just kidding, Paige can’t stomach staying in Virgin River after everything that’s happened there, so she and her son leave for good — right after Preacher breaks up with his other girlfriend to be with her.
Scandalized Gasp Rating: 4 out of 5 gasps. Probably would’ve been more, but I couldn’t stop laughing about how Detective Mike was just like, No, it’s totally cool that you guys killed someone and buried his body in the woods. We could not care less about it.
Episode 2, “Songbird”
Hey, did you hear? Hope is officially voted out as mayor, Ava has endometriosis and needs a hysterectomy, Muriel is hired as an office manager at Doc’s clinic, and Preacher has sworn off women even though, as Brie points out, he’s basically a Greek god and could be getting laid 24/7 if he so wanted to, and not being available to that is offensive to all humans with a sex drive everywhere. Okay, also, Brady’s friend Jeb gets a job at the lumberyard helping Melissa and her drugs, even though Brady expressly tells him not to get involved. Wouldn’t you know, Jeb ends up dead from an overdose not long after.
Okay, but what’s the hottest goss right now? Listen, I’m sorry that man is dead, but the hottest gossip at the moment is definitely that Charmaine is still trying to blame her months of lies on Jack not being into her enough. It’s honestly impressive.
Scandalized Gasp Rating: It’s hard to quantify since I typically gasp any time Charmaine opens her mouth because whatever she is saying is so unhinged, but 3 out of 5 gasps.
Episode 3, “Calculated Risk”
Hey, did you hear? Jack goes rock climbing with Denny to deal with his control issues and winds up almost falling to his death and then crying about it a little while hanging from a rock. Hope learns that it was Jo Ellen who told Nick she wasn’t fit to be mayor anymore since her TBI and she is big, big mad. Brie runs into Jeb’s wife at the farmers’ market and discovers that Brady’s been lying to her about his relationship with Jeb, and she tells that man to get the hell out of her house!!
Okay, but what’s the hottest goss right now? Oh, there’s a new woman in town: Her name is Kaia; she is a firefighter who delivers babies out in the field with just an assist from Mel and Cameron on FaceTime. She arrives at the bar to make out with Preacher after trying one of his sandwiches. Relationships have started over much less!
Scandalized Gasp Rating: I honestly can’t believe everyone isn’t just sitting around talking about how Jeb’s wife was shopping at the farmers’ market mere HOURS after her husband’s funeral. 2 out of 5 gasps.
Episode 4, “Never Gonna Be the Same”
Hey, did you hear? Doc is no longer responding to treatment and is having issues seeing. Also, Cameron and Muriel are duetting to “Good Morning,” from Singin’ in the Rain, in the middle of the office and Cameron lets slip that he had a big crush on his high-school drama teacher — that’s an older woman, in case you didn’t clock what he was doing with that little anecdote.
Okay, but what’s the hottest goss right now? When the biggest gossip-mongers become the gossip, you know we’re in for a treat. And that treat is watching members of AARP hurling mud at one another at a day spa while yelling about betrayal (Hope to Jo Ellen) and people being in denial of their own mortality (Jo Ellen to Hope). Unfortunately, the whole thing ends with the ladies’ friendship stronger than ever, so it’s very lukewarm as far as gossip goes. I didn’t ask for moving, lovely portrayals of older female friendship, okay? I asked for hot, juicy gossip, and this is not it!!
Scandalized Gasp Rating: Ugh, this episode is full of people just nicely sharing their truths with one another in healthy, emotional ways. I mean, Doc worries who he’ll be if not a doctor — it is the actual name he goes by — and Denny calls him Grandpa? That might be 0 out of 5 gasps, but it is 4 out of 5 tender tears rolling down my face.
Episode 5, “Trial by Fire”
Hey, did you hear? Virgin River pumps the brakes on fun, juicy gossip in favor of some real heart-wrenching drama, including devastating wildfires, Mel having a miscarriage, and Brie facing her rapist in court. But the show manages to sneak a few gossipy tidbits in among the heartbreak, like the fact that Mike shows up in Sacramento and is “there for” Brie (!!), and Hope and Preacher use the phrase “caught feelings” unironically. I just think that’s something everyone should be discussing.
Okay, but what’s the hottest goss right now? Oh, I don’t know, maybe that time when Mel ran into a burning house to save Ava and baby Chloe?? Maybe that.
Scandalized Gasp Rating: Lots of gut punches, not much gossip, 1 out of 5 gasps.
Episode 6, “Heroes Rise”
Hey, did you hear? I’m sorry, did everyone hear when Jack breaks up Preacher and Brady’s fight over how to best save the bar from the wildfire by pointing at the fire and yelling, “That is the enemy right there!” like he’s fucking Winston Churchill or something?? I know a lot is going on, but no one takes even 30 seconds to make fun of him, and that makes me sad. Meanwhile, Brie and Mike almost make out in Sacramento while Mrs. Sheridan is basically chanting “Kiss! Kiss! Kiss!” in the background, and we love her for that. Also, Doc has to come clean about his eyesight when he can’t reinflate an injured firefighter’s lung, and Cameron is so mad he is only learning about this now.
Okay, but what’s the hottest goss right now? Kaia is married to Jay, the injured firefighter. What a waste of Preacher’s mom’s mac-and-cheese recipe.
Scandalized Gasp Rating: You’d think there’d be no time for soapy gossip with the town being on literal fire, but Virgin River finds a way. 4 out of 5 gasps.
Episode 7, “From the Ashes”
Hey, did you hear? Kaia explains that she and Jay are separated and she has real feelings for Preacher, so they make up and make out. Doc tells Cameron he wants him to eventually take over the clinic. Brady, now a CI for Mike, has to wear a wire to hopefully get something incriminating on Melissa and has to lie to Jack about why he’s suddenly interested in taking over the glamping business accounting even though it’s killing him (both having to lie to Jack and doing math). Elsewhere, Muriel, who lost most of her house in the fires, moves in with Cameron (ooooooh!), and now that Lilly’s farm burned down, her daughters are looking to sell the land and the only interested buyer is an evil land-development company.
Okay, but what’s the hottest goss right now? I mean, did you see when Brady caught Brie and Mike being flirty, learned they spent time in Sacramento together, and flipped the hell out? He grabs Mike’s collar and gets in his face — it’s only broken up when Brie tells Brady that they are officially over.
Scandalized Gasp Rating: Love-triangle scandals earn an automatic 3 out of 5 gasps.
Episode 8, “Full Moon”
Hey, did you hear? In the wake of her miscarriage, Mel decides to go back to work at the clinic and that she is done trying to have children even though it was her biggest dream and became Jack’s biggest dream and it’s a whole thing now. Brady is spending his time at the glamping site getting closer to Lark, the woman he helped up at the pot camp during the wildfires, and by learning how to seamlessly use phrases like “cook the books.”
Okay, but what’s the hottest goss right now? Oh, I’m sorry, Cameron and Muriel kiss and it is the sweetest little thing this town ever did see!
Scandalized Gasp Rating: 1 out of 5 gasps, 3 out of 5 concerned head tilts.
Episode 9, “Angel’s Peak”
Hey, did you hear? Muriel and Cameron describe themselves as “Romeo and Juliet but with the same father” and try to make that kind of romantic, but we love them anyway! Just as Kaia and Preacher are getting closer, Jay shows up to offer her a huge job in Alaska and she takes it! Jack finds Brady rifling through a stash of drugs Melissa hid in the Airstreams and we know Brady is innocent but Jack thinks he’s back in the drug game! Brie and Mike kiss! On a baseball field! IN THE RAIN!
Okay, but what’s the hottest goss right now? Denny’s grandmother Rose shows up and finally has to answer to Doc about why she kept their son from him for 50 years! Doc is unable to forgive her for robbing him of the chance to know his son before he died, but is willing to be cordial for his grandson’s sake. And Hope serves the woman burnt scones just to stick it to her and I feel like that is a super-important addition to the entire scenario.
Scandalized Gasp Rating: Burnt scones? 3 out of 5 gasps!
Episode 10, “Labor Day”
Hey, did you hear? Buckle up, buttercup: Melissa Montgomery kidnaps Brady for being a rat; Jack follows them to a warehouse where Jack and Brady fight off the drug goons; the police swoop in and catch Melissa, but Mike gets shot saving Brady’s life. It’s okay because it only solidifies Mike and Brie’s feelings for each other. I guess that’s not okay for Brady, but that man made his bed. Unfortunately, the whole situation means glamping entrepreneur Jack Sheridan has his glamping land all tied up in an FBI investigation and he can’t build Mel the dream home that he wanted. There is a silver lining: Mel and Jack, who apparently have unlimited funds, decide to buy Lilly’s farm and build a home for their family — however it takes shape, now that Mel has come around to some other options in the kid department. Kaia ditches Alaska and Jay and takes a long-term job in Virgin River, but Kaia and Preacher’s honeymoon period might be headed for an abrupt end because remember that body Mike said was NBD? Well, it was discovered, and now it is very much a BD. Cameron and Muriel make out in public and Jo Ellen, Patron Saint of Gossip Mongers, immediately calls everyone she knows, and Lizzie is pregnant with Denny’s baby! Oh, babe, you know that Virgin River phone tree is exploding at the moment. Busy signals everywhere.
Okay, but what’s the hottest goss right now? And just wait until they find out the biggest news of all — Charmaine’s real baby daddy finally shows up, and it is … CALVIN. WHO IS NOT DEAD. But is still wearing his drug-runner jeff cap. He just can’t quit that thing.
Scandalized Gasp Rating: A gossip lover’s paradise, 5 out of 5 gasps.
But wait! What is this! Bless Virgin River for understanding that there is never too much drama. Season five, part one ends with a cute little holiday epilogue in which a new piece of information comes to light that might just win the hottest gossip award: Mel’s sister Joey calls to inform her that she’s discovered a bunch of their mother’s lost love letters from a man she was having an affair with who lived in Virgin River — and Joey thinks that man is Mel’s biological father. Dropping a bio-dad bombshell like that and making us wait until November for the holiday-themed conclusion? That’s cold, but a real power move, and I respect it. The rumor mill will pick things up on November 30. Prepare your gasps accordingly.
